Would You Rather?
Recently I bought a book to share with my grandchildren: Would You Rather? Valentine’s Day Edition by Lindsey Daly. We spent some time reading some of the questions such as “Would you rather get a small box of candy from a secret admirer or a giant box of candy from someone you don’t like?” or “Would you rather be surprised with a big bag of candy for Valentine’s Day or pick out your own treats?” Those questions led to interesting discussions with these 9, 7, and 5 year-old children, such as what a secret admirer is, or how picking out your own candy is way better than depending on someone to pick it out for you.
The conversation also made me think about choices we make, and how those choices lead to life-changing events.
In my opinion, it’s much better to choose your own candy, rather than be disappointed with someone else’s choice for you. Which leads me to think …
When given options between something that is difficult to do and the easy way out, what’s the reward? My preferred choice of candy? Or the peace of mind that comes with no regrets?
Here are some examples of choices that lead to no regrets:
Last week, my sons drove three hours to attend the funeral of their college golf team coach. Everyone had lots of things to do and the biggest snow storm since 2010 was approaching. But they went. And I’m sure they don’t regret it.
Once every couple of weeks, I pick up my 93-year-old friend to take to breakfast. Sometimes it’s hard to fit that into my schedule. But I don’t regret spending time with her and listening to her stories.
My granddaughter asks me to read “just one more book” to her before it’s time to get her home. One more book often becomes two … or more. I don’t regret the extra time I spend with her, even though it makes us late for her bath and bed time.
I signed up for personal training twice a week, at 8:00am. It is awfully hard work, and while I love my trainer, Tammy, and she’s an excellent motivator, I sometimes secretly hope she will cancel our session. (She never does!) But when my session is over and I’m sitting on my couch, all proud of myself for inching closer to my fitness goals and keeping my 67-year-old body healthy, I don’t regret it.
My neighbor invited me to attend painting lessons with her. It took almost three hours out of a busy day and both of us were rolling our eyes as we tried listening carefully to the instructor, who tended to talk too much and explain too little. While neither of us produced a frameable painting worthy of hanging above the mantel, we also didn’t regret the time we spent laughing together.
When my grandson visits, he asks, “Can you show me all the things my daddy used to play with?” So, we rummage through closets and boxes under the bed so he can find treasures such as old baseball cards and toys. I don’t regret keeping all that old stuff around so my grandson can start his own collection and I can revisit some pleasant memories.
A couple of weeks ago, my sons and I took the day off to visit their 94-year-old grandmother, who now lives in Jacksonville, alone. We left Pittsburgh at 4:00am, in the snow. On the way to the airport, the car spun out on an icy road and hit a guard rail. But we kept going so we wouldn’t miss that flight. We took Grandma to lunch at her favorite restaurant. She was thrilled, and as we left to go home, she stood at the door, waving until we were out of sight. I talked to her on the phone yesterday. She seemed to have no memory of our visit, just a few days ago. Yet none of us regrets the time spent with her.
Sometimes, there doesn’t seem to be enough time, or energy, or mental fortitude to do some of the things I’ve committed to do. Sometimes, it takes an extra push. Sometimes, the easy way out is so tempting and the extra push just doesn’t seem worth it. Sometimes, I’d just rather not.
But if I “get out there,” I have a feeling that I won’t regret it.
Seldom do we regret things we did. Often we regret things we didn’t do.
As a WWPD (Woman Whose Partner Died), I’m not interested in any more regrets.
So, I’ll get out there.
Reference
Daly, L. (2025). Would you rather? Valentine’s day edition. New York: Zeitgeist/Penguin Random House.
