The Lasting Impact
When my late husband, Tim Nettles, was a boy, he said he wanted to be a cowboy when he grew up. He certainly never woke up one morning and said, “Gee, I’d love to rent cars for a living.”
As far as I know, his family never owned horses and he never lassoed cattle. He wasn’t fond of cooking over an open fire, either. (But he had a pretty cool cowboy hat when we went to a rodeo one year.)
He did, however, grow up to be a very smart business leader --- renting cars for 36 years before he retired as a vice president of a rental car company.
When he died in 2018, the grief that my sons and I experienced was overwhelming. But the way we decided to get through it was to turn it into something positive. As David Kessler tells us in Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, one way of managing grief is to look for concrete ways to honor the person who died.
Our “concrete way” came in the game of golf.
Tim loved golf but he quit playing when our sons, Chuck and Tommy, got better at it than he was. Thereafter, he was happy to follow them as they played junior golf. Chuck and Tommy say that some of their best memories are in the times we shared as a family as we attended golf tournaments. Thus, it was fitting that, in 2020, they began hosting a pro-am golf tournament in their father’s memory. In the past five years, this tournament, called the Timothy E. Nettles Memorial Invitational Tournament, has grown to a field size of 129 golfers, 48 of whom are professionals, with a purse of $75,000. With the help of some generous sponsors, we have also provided donations to Tim’s favorite charities --- mainly nonprofit organizations that support education and the game of golf for young people.
Finding this purpose helped us enormously.
Yet, all the while, we were focused on starting something of our own. Yes, donating to Tim’s favorite charities was gratifying. But we really wanted to put Tim’s name on something special that would exemplify what he stood for --- hard work, leadership, generosity, and “doing the right thing.” We also wanted to give young people the chance to play golf, because golf was his favorite sport, even though he didn’t play. We wanted to encourage young people to grow as leaders --- just like Tim Nettles did. We wanted junior golfers to know that being good at golf is great --- but being a good person is even greater.
Thus, with the help of a “dream team” of friends and family members who supported this idea, my sons created the TEN Junior Invitational Golf Tournament, held on May 16-17, 2025, at Laurel Valley Golf Club in Ligonier, Pennsylvania. (This course was Tim’s favorite course, located about twenty miles from his childhood home.) Sixty golfers, ages 12-18, were selected to play, based on their grades, commitment to community service, and golf ability. They played for two days, free of charge, with caddies and mentors provided for them.
It was a wonderful couple of days. The first and second place winners of the tournament were awarded scholarship grants of $3000 each. Additionally, we chose two student athletes to win the “Impact Award,” which was based on their community service, volunteerism, and excellence in school grades. These athletes were given $1000 to donate to a charity of their choice. We hoped that these prizes would convey our belief in the importance of education and generosity.
On the evening of the first day of the tournament, we gathered for dinner. The room was full of talented young people --- young people who do more than play good golf. These student athletes have also dedicated themelves to getting good grades, doing volunteer work in a variety of ways, and providing leadership to the next generation. It was a room full of young people who have the potential to make an impact.
What does the word “impact” mean? Merriam-Webster dictionary says it’s “the force of impression of one thing on another; a significant or major effect.” But the word "impact" itself is neutral. Something could have a negative or a positive impact, depending on the context.
For example, my family lives in Pittsburgh. When our sons played junior golf, they occasionally had the opportunity to play in Florida --- sometimes in the rain. And that’s when their dad said, “I love it when they play in the rain in Florida, because they’re so used to bad weather in Pittsburgh that they play better than those kids from Florida who play in the sunshine all the time.”
Such is the impact of the weather on golfers --- a liability to some, but an incentive for others.
I hope these 60 young people realize their potential positive impact on this world. I hope they know that no matter what the leaderboard on the golf course says, what they do --- on and off the course --- speaks volumes. How they present themselves, how they react to tough times, and how they treat others is what matters in the type of impact they make.
I recently read an article titled, “How Do You Show Up?” The author, Barbara Danza, said, “Whether you realize it or not, your very existence and the way you show up in the world affect others --- many others. We may wish to believe that what we do, what we say, and who we are affect only ourselves, but that’s simply not the case.”
Thus, while it’s important to keep showing up, how we show up is just as valuable. It’s important to show up with the mindset of learning from all those opportunities that life throws at us --- the mistakes as well as the good fortune of being in the right place at the right time.
It was so gratifying, at this junior golf tournament our sons created in their dad’s memory, to witness sixty young people show up on time (dressed appropriately); interact with adults and each other in a thoughtful manner; and tackle a difficult game with grace and honor. They provided us all with evidence that this world is, indeed, in much better hands than we thought it was.
Tim Nettles was not known for putting his name on the leaderboard in golf. He was known for his generosity and his commitment to “doing the right thing.” This world needs young leaders who know that what really counts is their positive impact on other people. What they give of themselves to other people, and not the score they put up --- is their power. I hope we found sixty such young people and gave them a kick-start to making their impact. I know Tim would’ve gotten a kick out of that.
References
Danza, B. (2023, August 29). “How do you show up?” The Epoch Times. https://www.theepochtimes.com/bright/how-do-you-show-up-5479438.
Kessler, D. (2019). Finding meaning: The sixth stage of grief. New York: Scribner.
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Impact. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved June 2, 2025, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/impact.
